The Lunxicon

On the train coming home today, I heard someone say “Well, irregardless, I still think you should have given more notice.” Ugh. I hate that word. What do the extra two letters add? Nothing, that’s what! Generally assumed to be a combination of irrespective and regardless, it is alarmingly commonplace in daily conversation. It is the spare part of adverbs, and you should both mock and chastise anyone you know who uses it with any degree of frequency.

On a similar note, inflammable is another word that really grinds my gears. I remember as a young child, seeing a large tanker truck with the following plastered all over it “WARNING: Inflammable contents.” I asked my dad why they would warn people about something that couldn’t be set on fire. He explained that something inflammable is, in fact, flammable. I was confused. Now, this doesn’t really fall in the same category as the aforementioned, as it has another, acceptable meaning of “easily inflamed,” whose etymology saves it from being completely worthless in my eyes (a fate dreaded by all–i’m pretty important, you see).

What can I say? I hate extraneous prefixes.

Also known to raise my blood pressure slightly: “Due to the fact.” sdfkjasksdfksdf. What? Why? I can’t even listen to Absolution as often as I’d like because this particular faux pas is a lyric in one of their songs. I’ll be rocking out and wishing I had a time machine so I could see them live, and then… “Due to the fact that…” and I just have to shake my head and skip to the next song. I suppose I should just shrug off this particular instance–poetic license and all that–but I can’t help myself from thinking, “why couldn’t he just say ‘because’ instead?”

Why does it bother me so? I have been told on numerous occasions that I am quite the curmudgeon. As such, I blame my parents for raising me in such a way. Surely life would be much easier if I didn’t want to impale everyone who tells me that something is crystal clear, or that their purchase came with a free gift. Sadly, though, I have been cursed with a passion for hating redundancies. Do you really have to preheat your oven to 375 degrees? How about just heating it? Ugh, I will have to stop now before I burst a blood vessel in my eye and run around beating people with a meat mallet, screaming “Advance planning, huh?” “You like tunafish?” “You’re an exact replica of an ASSHOLE!” etc.

I know what you’re thinking… but, no, I won’t get over it.